JOKES & FUNNIES
CHRISTIANSUNITE.COM (CLEAN JOKES)
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "professional." According
to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers
got several correct answers!
a. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to
do simple things in an overly complicated way.
b. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability
to think through the repercussions of your actions.
c. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you didn't answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
d. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn
quickly from your mistakes.
(- AUTHOR UNKNOWN -)
3] JESUS IN THE DARK
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark.
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus
is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure.
He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into
the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?
(- AUTHOR UNKNOWN -)
Kids Say The Funniest Things (1)
When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be
walking the three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her daughter walking nonchalantly along,
stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed. Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All
the way home, God's been taking my picture!"
Kids Say The Funniest Things (2)
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the
choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice,
"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you...."
Kids Say The Funniest Things (3)
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible -- Psalm
23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember
the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite
Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said
proudly, "The Lord is my shepherd . . . and that's all I need to know!"
Kids Say The Funniest Things (4)
A little boy walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand.
He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?" "Yes." "Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes." "Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."
With that he asked his final question. "Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?"